Saturday, April 6, 2013

I have a present for all you Tom and Liza haters out there.

Nothing pisses me off more than the Tom and Liza haters... well, maybe the Gary lovers but it's neck and neck. They say shit like NOBODY cares about them and EVERYONE hates them. Setting aside how stupid statements like these are in the abstract these people are the height of conceit. They think TOM is full of himself, yet in the same sentence they talk about how EVERYONE must feel exactly the same way about him as they do. As for me I know people don't agree with me, but I also know they're fuckin morons. Plus I never claimed to not be conceited. :D

If you don't like Tom and don't like Liza and yet constantly bitch about how they're all over the place and Oh My God I wish they would just go away and blah blah blah let me introduce you fuckin morons into a concept that admittedly may be too difficult to grasp. But if you can somehow wrap your microscopic brains around it you will find a joy that knows no bounds.

It's called Free Will. Webster's dictionary defines it as voluntary choice or decision, freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention.

YOU HEAR THAT MOTHERFUCKERS? VO-UN-TARY It means you DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THEM IF YOU DON'T FUCKING LIKE THEM!

When they were on the show, sure that's a different story. I mean you could have looked away or muted when they came on but that's tedious and I completely understand why you'd have felt like you had to watch them there, I felt the same way about Gary. I wanted to watch my favorite players but to do that I had to watch one of the most annoying, egotistical, and childish motherfuckers I've ever had the misfortune of encountering. AND I BITCHED ABOUT HIM! OH I BITCHED ABOUT HIM TO THE HIGH HEAVENS! But now that he's gone FREE WILL has given me the power to only have to see him one more time! At the finale, and after that I'll never watch anything with him ever again. (Unless the idiot producers bring him back for another season)

If you still can't grasp this concept watch the movie that was the inspiration for my AJ Facebook cartoon's title A, Jury (I, Robot) get it? a jury, AJ, huh? Get it? :D Speakin of AJ holy God I feel bad for that guy, havin to spend a week alone with Gary. If I were him I'd seriously consider self immolation.

Anyway, in I, Robot the main robotic character Sonny is given Free Will by his creator. (Oh, um Spoiler alert!) Plus it's a pretty good movie and Bridget Moynahan is fuckin smokin hot.

Tom Brady, you lucky motherfucker.
Anyway, Tom Plant RULES! and so does his lovely lady Liza. And if you don't like it then you, in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, can "go cram it with walnuts, ugly."

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